My 2018

Happy New Year all.
It’s been a while since I wrote anything on here (gosh I start every post like that) and I wanted to share some photos and some thoughts that I had. If you don’t care much for my thoughts scroll past, because I promise the photos are pretty.

 

New years generally means a time to reflect on life and, it’s one of my favorite times of year because I love improving myself and to prove that I can exceed expectations. (Also it’s my birthday in January so…)
To me, running numbers in my head of what I’ve achieved and what I will achieve is like a drug. I love it. I love looking at my old to do lists and picking apart what I managed to do. I love setting goals and achieving them, year after year.

 

And so, despite the fact that I’m not a mathematician, numbers are constantly running through my head, and this year those numbers look to me like this…

  • 19 years old.
  • 1st year of university
  • 2 years of chronic pain
  • 4 new goals.

I’d like to get into each of these topics a little for this post, so sorry if this is a long post, I’ll try not to digress (for the sake of everyone scrolling past to the pretty photos)

 

19 years old.

I liked being 18, it’s the final teenage number- at least in my head. Now that I’m 19 I’m stepping out of the comfort zone that is teenage-hood and into adulthood. My teenage years weren’t very comfortable, to be honest. I felt like I was just jumping from one life crisis to the next, but still, it was familiar and in a way, I knew what I expected of myself.

Now I’m 19 and it’ll be different.

I don’t know how yet exactly, and that scares me cause it means I can’t plan. I do know though, that my room will no longer be the only important room in my life. I’m so comfortable hiding away in my room that the thought of building a life outside of it, scares me. A little pathetic I know, you’ll have to forgive me but it’s true.

Even throughout my travels last year, I missed my room and the comfort it provides to my soul.

So I’m 19 now, and that means life will look different. Honestly, I have so much hope for this year, but at the same time, I’m paralyzed with fear. The only thing I can do is move forward and pray that good things are on the way.

 

 

1st year of university

I’m studying psychology this year (it took me 4 tries to spell) and that’s really exciting.

I have been homeschooled for years so this will be the first time since I was a kid that I would be in a class setting for a long period of time. I’ll get to meet new people and hopefully make some new friends. I’m really looking forward to it.

My dad always tells me that university is the perfect time to start your life as who you want to be. The introvert can decide to be social. The nerd can be popular. And of course, the Jock can be smart.

When you start out, you start anonymous and you get to choose what to write on your own blank slate.

This is something right up my alley, and I absolutely love this idea.

So being me, I have a whole new wardrobe and I’m doing my hair this week.
But here the fear comes in because unfortunately, I can’t get a new spine to go with my attitude.
If you don’t know me yet, let me clarify I’m talking about my literal spine. My back which hurts every day for at least a couple of minutes and keeps me from being as strong I want to be.
I’m not going to go into it now because it’s the next topic and deserves its own spot, but I want to talk here about the fact that I already know that my back will influence people’s first impression of me. You see, I will have to tell the head of my sorority that I can’t participate in all the activities because of it.

My old instinct is to ignore my back and just pressure though, but I’ve learned that forcing my body to do what I want it to will only make my situation worse. So this is one setback I have to settle for.
So despite my wardrobe and my haircut, to at least one person I will still be the girl who uses her back as an excuse. The girl everyone else has to make accommodations for…
On this sour note, I think it’s time to move on to the next topic.

 

 

2 years of chronic pain.

At the end of January 2017 I got really stressed, fell behind on homework and like a champion decided I’ll put my butt in a chair until my work was done.

Five hours later I got up and my back spasmed, and I thought nothing of it. Two weeks later, the pain was still there.

See here I go with the numbers again. The irony is of course that I can’t remember if it was declared Chronic pain by a doctor at 3 weeks or 3 months.

Those first days all melded together.
My instinct when talking about my back is to explain everything, to overshare because I feel I need to prove to people that I’m not making it up. It’s not just an excuse to skip piano lessons. It’s not just an excuse to ditch church early. It’s not just an excuse to not clean my room.
You see at my worst everything hurt. I couldn’t be upright for 20+ minutes. My legs and arms were going numb, and I had migraines all the time. These were just the side effects that accompanied the burning spot that felt like a hole in my spine.

Then I got better, through dry needling and some exercise.

It’s still not gone though. And even though you see me moving around and smiling today, every night my body aches and every morning getting up feels like an Olympic sport.

It hurts, and I’m tired all the time and I can feel myself dipping into depression from time to time – as if it’s a pool and I want my feet to cool off on a hot day.
So you see January 2017 was 2 years ago.

And when I talk about my back I feel like I’m complaining. Like I’m whining and as if I’m being judged for not overcoming this.

There goes Enette, carrying her pain on her sleeve for attention and as an excuse…

Yes, parents and friends I know I’m the only one judging me this harshly. It’s just such a big part of my life now (it’s rather hard to ignore something that’s always there) and I find it frustrating how I can’t seem to get rid of it.

 

 

4 new goals.

I normally make five goals, but this year I could only think of four. Each one of them carries a hope I have for this year and something for me to strive for.

 
Finish the rough draft of WIP before NaNoWriMo

(this project is personal and something I’m passionate about, so excuse me for not sharing more. It’s still just a baby idea)

 
Blog once a week? Month?

This goal seems a little far-fetched for me, but I miss blogging and really want to get back to it.

 
Exercise for 1 hour every week.

This is of course part of the project “heal my back”

In theory, if I do all the right exercises my back should get better. It’ll take some effort but I want to start this change.

 
Attend all lectures and finish all assignments handed to me

Aka: work hard and get good grades, because this is something I want in life. I’m really passionate about helping people and I feel like studying psychology will give me the skill set to do so.

 
Now that I’m done with my ramblings, some of which are depressing, some of which are not, it’s time I truly reflect on 2018.

 

2018 was a good year.

  • It started strong with a great birthday party and some ease in my back pain.
  • My family helped me overcome adversity and I finished school six months ahead of time thanks to their support. This means despite falling a year behind in 2017 I still finished school ahead of my age group, which was something I never even aimed for.
  • I got to travel… a lot.
  • I had two weeks of doing a real job for someone, and I got to intern at a magazine for a couple of days.
  • I traveled on a bus for the first time and then continued to do it many more times.
  • I hung out with my grandma a lot. With old friends that I hadn’t seen in a while. I got to know one of my cousins that I never see. And all of it was great.
  • I was at the southernmost point of South Africa and I got to go motor boating on a river.
  • I sang with family members that I had never met before and learned lots of history of small towns.
  • I saw the ocean and roller-skated on ramps for the first time.
  • I watched a movie at some completely random person’s house – who I will probably never see again, but with whom my heart fell in love with for half an hour.
  • I hiked up a mountain (nearly dying at the top) and went canoeing in the rain.

 

And It was all good.
Even though, I drank a lot of pain meds and I limped off of every bus I went on – 2018 was still good.

 
And thus concludes a post of ramblings and as promised here are pretty photos.

I hope you have a great 2019 and this year brings you lots of new joys.

 

Trip #1: Feeling welcome in Welkom.

I posted recently about me finishing high school and wanting to travel during my break.
The simplest way for me to travel is to visit family and friends all around my country. Where better to start my break than to go visit my grandparents?

Welcome in Welkom

I haven’t gone to visit my grandparents in over a year so when my mum suggested I go visit them for my first trip I had no objections.
Along with me I took clothes, my laptop and my grandma from the other side of the family. So now I need to clarify some things before things get confusing.
I hung out with both my grandmas that week. The one is grandma N and the other is grandma E.

 

Fun fact is that I’m named after both my grandmothers. My name, Enette, is a mix between theirs and sounds almost exactly like grandma N’s name. So it was a very confusing week cause when I said grandma both grandma’s would answer and when ever grandma E called for either me or grandma N we would both answer.
This is just the the boon of living in an Afrikaans household though so I’m practically used to this confusion. (my grandpa and brother share a name. My brother’s second name is my dad’s name. Me and my sister share a middle name and my name sounds like my mothers. It’s all very confusing.)

 

 

What did I do during this week?

My grandparents live in a small town called Welkom, and when I was little I thought only grandparents lived there. There’s a lot of stores, restaurants and a florist.
Other than that there is my uncle’s factory that I will probably always think of as grandpa’s factory, and of course my cousin’s house.
So my grandmother’s utilized what the town had to offer and so they took me shopping.

What did I buy during this trip?

During this trip I bought way too many things but I’m so thrilled with all of it
Most important on the list is the books I bought.

  • I bought ‘Egg and spoon’ by Gregory Maguire. It’s a children story written by the original writer of Wicked.
  • I bought ‘Kitty and the silver hand,’ written by Carrie Vaughn. It is book five in a series I’m collecting.
  • I bought’ The petrified flesh’ aka the first book in the ‘Reckless’ series. This is written by Cornelia Funke. This is not a romance novel as I expected but it’s still a great read.
  • I got ‘Romeo and Juliet’ by Wilhelm Shakespeare, simply because it’s a classic and I’ve never read it.
  • I bought a book of Afrikaans short stories, written by Leo Tolstoi.
  • I bought ‘Great expectations’ by Dickens. Another classic that I haven’t read yet and wanted to own.
  • And finally I bought ‘J.R.R Tolken  a biography’ which was written by Humphrey Carpenter. I bought this one simply because I’m obsessed with the biographies of writers.

Along with the books I also got/bought.

  • Makeup sponges
  • Highlighter
  • Stockings
  • A scarf
  • Cookies
  • A pen
  • The card game ‘Joking Hazard’ by Cyanide and Happiness.

 
Other than shopping we also ate at some cool places such as the modern panty pantry, where I got juice and cake.

We also went to The green house where I ate some great toast and hot chocolate.

One of the meals that stood out though was when we went to Spur for breakfast on my last day.
I got myself French toast and bacon.
What made this meal stand out is the fact that there were golden syrup practically melted into the french toast, and a piece of bacon for each piece of bread. There were also caramelized banana spread around it but let’s be honest, I loved this meal for it’s combination of syrup and bacon.
With this I got a chocolate milkshake but I think next time I’ll just get juice since both the milkshake and the meal is very filling and I couldn’t finish it all.

 

What did I write while I visited.

Well I wrote two blog posts, on writing which you will be seeing soon, and then I also wrote a lot in one of my stories.
I’m participating in camp NaNoWriMo this month and I was trying to catch up since I am seriously behind.

 

During this visit though, I got to focus a lot on my beauty/hygene routine.

I had just started to wash my face with a honey and lime mix which was honestly something I was sceptical about since my face and it’s breakouts hate me.
The thing is though, it’s only been a week but I’m pretty sure it’s working.
I mention this not to brag about the miracle uses of honey though, but because I don’t normally focus on hygiene and beauty at home. So taking care of myself and playing around with makeup again for the first time in three years actually felt really great. It reminded me that I feel better when I take care of myself.

 
Anyway, the week was fun. I loved hanging out with my grandmothers, and hugging my grandfather.
I was spoiled and taken shopping, which was weird for me, but I loved it.
It was great to return to a town that I hadn’t seen in over a year and to visit family that I missed a lot.
But that’s all I have for now so….
See you soon racoon.

 


To follow my adventures as they happen,  follow me on twitter where I what’s going on in my life and the nonsensical thoughts that go through my head.

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I finished high school!

Done with high school

 

Three weeks ago, I finished high school and let me tell you I am very happy about this. Up until last year I was a pretty decent student, passing with okay grades. Since I home-schooled my high school journey looked a lot different from those of my peers, but I enjoyed it. I liked learning for the first couple of years and I put a lot of work into all kinds of subjects, ranging from Math and business studies to art and languages.
Unfortunately last year threw a wrench into my plans when my back started giving me problems.
I’m going to be honest, I thought I’ll have to stay back a year because of how much work I missed last year. But my parents were patient and we switched plans at the beginning of this year.
Instead of continuing with the British standard and supplier for my school work, we switched to an American one that focuses on helping you finish your GED and be ready for collage.
So I quit my job, and put all my effort into not only doing my schoolwork but doing it well. So here I am, finished with school six months ahead of everyone else my age – and I’m elated about it.

So what am I doing now that I’m done with school?

Well just like any other teenager who just finished school I plan on traveling before I have to start university next year. I don’t have a lot of money, or even a lot of expectation for where I’m going but I am going somewhere beyond my room and that’s enough for me.
The plan is to travel between family friends for the next six months, doing jobs where I can and just enjoying people’s company.

I’m going to admit that I don’t like spending time away from my family. My siblings are my best friends and my parents my rocks so it’s always kind of uncomfortable for me to leave them behind when I go somewhere, but I really do want to get out of my house. I do want to see the friends and family that I haven’t seen in years, and experience new aspects of life.
I’m stepping out of my comfort bubble (aka my room) and I’m planning to see little bits of the world.
It’s just a shame I can’t take my dog with me 🙂

 
Cheers for now I’ll write again later!

An update

What’s up buttercup?

I’m back, still alive, still writing and still cute.

 

It’s been really long since I’ve last blogged and a lot of important things have happened since then. I want to give an update that can sum it all up for you but since I haven’t really blogged in a year there is a lot to share.

 

So in advance, sorry if this post is super long, I’m going to try my best to fill you in.

 

My health…

I’ve been pretty open and honest about my physical health problems along with the mental blocks that come with it, but since I’ve been absent in the blogging realm for quite some time now, there’s a big chance a couple of my followers don’t know about it.

So here is a quick recap:

I hurt my back last year. It was the result of scoliosis combined with stress, but the result was chronic pain. So for about nine months I couldn’t sit for longer than forty minutes, spent most of my time in bed (watching youtube) and was constantly on the edge of an emotional breakdown.

It’s better now. I found treatments that work for me in November and have been improving ever since.

For more information about my life with scoliosis (what it was like growing up etc) you can go read these posts on my other blog.

 

 

 

I decided to share about my health first because it was a a big factor in a lot of how I’ve been faring in the other areas of my life.

 

 

School work…

Because I couldn’t sit a lot last year, I fell behind on school work. If I had been going to a normal school instead of homeschooling I’d be forced to redo a year.

As it stands I am currently trying to finish school in the next two or three months because I need to have my matric score before the university that I want to go to close submissions. Normally someone will just use their grade 11 marks to go to university but because I couldn’t work last year I don’t have any.

So I’m doing my GED now and praying that it will be good enough to get me into university.

I want to go study psychology next year, with either a language or education subject as an extra subject.

 

 

Job…

I’ve been providing after school care and tutoring for almost three years – but I recently stopped.

Me general experience in the field involved helping kids who had either been falling behind in school or who have learning disabilities to get back on track by providing one on one tutoring.

At first I thought it would be a simple job where I get to help my little cousin with some math, but I found it to be worth so much more than that – both to me and the kids.

When you help a child with their education, you spend a lot of time with them and have a lot of influence in their life. You are one of the factors that can make or break that child.

I love both the kids that I worked with very much (both little cousins of mine) and I loved to see them grow comfortable with themselves, hard work and me.

Despite the fact that this work was probably one of the reasons my back refused to heal (it’s a very intense job) I wouldn’t trade my time doing it for anything.

Now I don’t do it anymore, because I realized that I have to focus more on school – and I would have had to look after three kids this year, which is simply too much for my body to handle.

 

 

Writing…

This is the topic I think is most relevant to this blog (since it’s about writing) but the whole back problem, school and job topics happen to be really relevant to my writing, which is why I mentioned them first.

So in November of 2016 I wrote a book called Falling for Pink. In 2017, me and a friend of mine worked on ironing out some of the kinks.

Since I could not sit to write last year, I haven’t really created anything new. I also found that the combination of being over emotional because of the chronic pain and the exhaustion from looking after the kids while my body just wanted to lie down caused some writers block. My creativity has been coming in little bouts only to disappear for weeks.

Normally I’d just put my butt in the chair and work despite the emotional drain and lack of creativity, but the physical pain made it literally impossible for me to do that.

Now my back is better and I don’t look after the kids anymore so I’ve been slowly opening myself back up to creativity and writing.

I also signed Falling for Pink up for Kindle scout in April, unfortunately I did not get excepted, but I did wait much longer than the normal two days that they normally respond in and I was on the hot and trendy list for a day – so I honestly don’t think it was a complete loss. (How can I when my book got over 5K views?)

Obviously there are people out there who will want to read my books. This is very inspiring and makes me excited for when I do hit a break through.

For now I have to pursue school first though – but I’m definitely writing some short fiction pieces during the weekends.

 

 

Blogging…

Obviously I haven’t really blogged this past year – and while I can give you a list of excuses, the truth of the matter is that I’m sorry. When I started taking blogging seriously way back when I promised writing advice every week and fiction pieces every month.

I have not been living up to this promise, and I’m sorry. You guys are really great and have been very supportive of my writing over the years. I can’t make a promise that I’ll suddenly be blogging again every second day, because honestly I don’t know how often I’ll be able to blog in the future. I do want to try though.

So thank you for your support and you can expect at least something from me in the months to come.

 

 

 

Other note worthy things…

 

I broke up with my boyfriend of two years in October. I shared very little about my romantic relationships in the past – but I have mentioned it once or twice, so I feel the need to clarify on this. I was the one to break up with him, but at the same time it was pretty mutual. Both walked into that day knowing that we won’t be a couple anymore afterwards. To the people who read my blog and also know my ex – no worries we are still great friends.

 

I got a new laptop, because my old one died on me. I managed to save all my writing and photos because I save almost everything to a cloud. The emergency did eat up most of my savings though so I don’t know if I’ll be able to pay for my blog’s domain name this year.

 

I got another dog! (also why my savings suck right now)

My mum saw photos of puppies on facebook and my dad told her that while we need another guard dog for our yard we can’t afford another dog, specifically the R500 that the pup’s owner was asking.

So I payed for the dog and now we have our little(big) Watson. I’ve got some great stories to share about this do, but I won’t get into it right now.

 

I turned 18 and got my first tattoo.

I got my favorite bible verse tattooed onto my arm along with my birth flower. It covers a scar I got through some medical problems as a baby, and honestly I love it very much. I’m going to go into some extra detail about what the tattoo means along with the scar it covers on my other blog, so if you want to read that you’ll have to go follow that.

 

 

That’s all I have to share about last year for now.

So thank you for sticking with me up to this point. I hope to write more again now that I have a little more time open, and that I can sit properly again.

 

If you really want to keep up with me though I suggest you follow me on twittertwitter because that’s the only place I really ever post to when I’m doing something. Beware though I mostly post silly and sarcastic tweets.

 

With all this said, it’s time for me to close off,

See you soon, racoon!

Turning a life around

how to

I’m not going to write some big dramatic intro that explains that my back has been sore since February.

But to get you on the same page as me I’ll tell you that my back has been sore since February and that this has totally mucked up how I saw my next few years going. I’ve really been struggling with motivation lately and I had a couple of rough days these past couple of weeks when it seemed like my condition was getting worse again.

 

 

So there was a point a little more than a week ago when I was in a really bad place and I just didn’t want to deal with the pain any more – I basically just wanted to sleep and be left alone. But then my mum took me out of the house and we went for hot chocolate – which I have an obsession over.

I felt like I was breathing again and it just separated me from the pain and the struggle for a little bit  so when we go home I was in a much better mood. I was sitting in my parent’s room next to their bookshelf with all our Christian books in. I picked up a book called ‘Communion with God’ and I started reading it.

The book is like a guide to praying (and I definitely recommend it) and I started applying it to my life.

That next weekend I basically just prayed for three days long all the way from Friday morning to Sunday night. I got a chance to talk to God and listen to Him and it healed a lot of my frustrations and made me peaceful again.

 

 

Now I’ve been planning to change my life in a major way but I just haven’t had the strength to do it. And every time I tried to make major changes in my life, I would just get exhausted and fall back into the pattern that my pain created. I would wake up and push myself out of bed despite being cold and sore. I’d drink water and look over my homework. I’d feel exhausted and overwhelmed and then just get back to bed.

 

It seemed really pathetic to me because I use to be, and still am, the kind of person who simply doesn’t stop working. My old mindset was that I can use sheer will power to get through anything but these days if I sit longer than say an hour my back starts to hurt very intensely and I can barely do anything except lie down.

So how I explain this to myself now is that life is like a video game where I get a certain number of energy points at the beginning of each day. Normally I could use these energy points on things such as school work and my job and my writing and then still have a little bit of energy points left at the end of the day.

Now those same amounts of energy points have to be distributed between more things. Now I get to spend some energy points on my school work but while I’m doing that I also use energy points to fight the pain. So throughout the day simply dealing with the pain steals a lot of my energy points.

So I can no longer do everything that I use to do because my energy points run out before the end of the day. Make sense?

 

 

Now back to me changing my life in a major way.

So after I realised that my old mindset and habits won’t be able to get me out of the pain I realized that I need to shift priorities.

I used to have writing as my top priority and then school and then my job and then my Christian walk and then my relationships and then at the complete bottom of the list my physical health and mental well being.

You’d think I’d change all that early after hurting my back but of course as a human I strongly protest against any change.

 

So here I am after a weekend of intense praying and I realise that my priorities need to look different.

Number one should be my relationship with God, and then number two should be my physical health.

The rest of the stuff is important too. But they can no longer come first because if I put all the work first then there will be no energy points left to keep my body and my mind intact. And if I don’t take care of my body, my condition will get worse.

 

 

Once I changed my priorities I also acknowledged that I can’t make any massive changes right now. As much as I would love to wake up tomorrow with a different body that doesn’t hurt and a set of life goals that I can work towards without a problem – that’s not my reality right now.

Right now I’ve got a sore body and a messed up head. I have a job and homework that I’m really far behind on and I’ve got three half finished writing ideas.

So if I can’t make that huge change in my life overnight I guess I’ll have to start with small changes.

 

Which is why on Monday night I drafted up a 30 minute routine that I decided will be the base of my life from here off on. It’s not something that will use a ton of my energy points but it consists out of things that will give me more energy points and ultimately have a real impact on my life.

 

I have an alarm that goes off on my phone and when I hear it I go to drink all my medications. I put on pyjamas, wash my face, make myself hot chocolate and a hot water bottle (a must for anyone struggling with pain) then get into bed and read bible.

All this takes me between half an hour and an hour, depending on what bible verses I’m reading. But at the end of it I’ve wholly relaxed myself and then I get a good night’s sleep before I get up in the morning to do some light exercise.

 

It’s a very simple thing to arrange a 30 minute routine but since I started doing this I’ve been waking up better. I’ve felt happier again. I’ve felt more connected to God and I pray a lot more now.

The biggest thing though is that when I shifted my priorities I stopped beating myself up for any work that I couldn’t finish. I decided to work slowly and to take proper breaks so I don’t strain myself. And this nightly routine is the perfect time for me to accept what I’ve accomplished during the day and to celebrate it – while also letting go of the negative feelings I have over what I didn’t accomplish.

 

I’m more relaxed and at ease and I honestly feel like even though I can’t make any big changes any more, that this small step is a major victory for me.

 

 

That’s my life right now. I’ll tell more another time but for this moment I can simply finish off by saying I’m feeling positive and I hope you are too – in whatever it is you’re busy dealing with.

I wrote a post that is a guide for creating a short routine, so you can go take a look at that and maybe implement the idea into your own life.

So keep moving forward and I’ll write to you again on Friday.

A good week

Why is it that not every week is a good week? Why am I super productive during holidays and the equivalent of a potato during the school weeks?

I sincerely don’t get it! (It’s probably the emotional rest I get during holidays…)

 

In the past week alone I have…

Written an editorial calendar for July-Sept

I have written 7 blog posts (that’s one a day!)

Written my professional bio.

Arranged to write 2 guest posts

Scheduled my posts 2-3 weeks in advance

Got exercise! (so sore)

Wrote 5-7 flash fiction pieces

Went to a doctor for checkups

Practiced driving (I’m getting good)

Made an interesting lunch for 7 family members

 

 

Seriously why am I not this productive during the school weeks when I need to be (again it’s probably emotional energy)

 

 

I’m actually thinking of spring cleaning my room which is only something I do when I have *gasp* time.

 

Alright so now that I’ve bragged ranted about my week I should probably get back to it so I can bring you good content.

I’m going to clean my room and while I’m at it I’ll think of ways to make this energy stretch through to next week when school starts again.

Wish me luck

Make up post #2 – a thank you letter

 

 

Not half an hour ago I wrote and posted a post about how I recently participated in a talent contest and did not win.
I don’t know it you can read this in the post but when I typed that last part I was deeply sad and feeling really disappointed.
It’s true I was hoping to place in the finals because I felt like I needed a win after months of struggling with my body and my mind.
As I said in the other post though, I didn’t win. But what I didn’t say in the previous post is that I have been supported by my friends and family throughout my life, the past three months and yes this contest.
So this is a thank you letter to every one of those who support me. This is a thank you letter to all of you.

 

Thank you to my aunt who helped me pick my song and who kept telling me that she loves my voice.
Thank you to my dad who got me the supporting music for my performance, and who came to take a video of me singing.
Thank you to my sister for asking me if I’m ready and joking with me around the kitchen table the night before.
Thank you to everyone who watched and liked the video of the performance on facebook.
Thank you to everyone who left a nice comment, there are so many of you that I can’t name each of you individually.
Thank you to my grandma and cousin who messaged me personally to tell me that they like my song.
Thank you to my boyfriend who despite not being able to come to the performance personally still supported me over the phone.
Thank you to my friend who joined me in joking that I should perform on SA’s got talent.
And finally to the real hero of this show.

Thank you to my mother who not only paid for me to perform but who came to the performance to cheer me on. Thank you to my mother who made me a dress to wear – it is absolutely stunning and I really appreciate the effort so so much. Thank you to my mother who would hum while I’m singing and who tells me I’m the best singer ever.
Thank you to my mother who didn’t simply leave me to feel like a failure when we came back from that contest, despite the fact that I knew I wasn’t going to place.
Thank you to my mother who painted my nails when my left hand wouldn’t do it.
Thank you to my mother who put the video on facebook because she wanted to brag about me.
Thank you for pulling me back to that church today to go find out who won.
Thank you immensely for being my support.

 

So with immense gratitude in my heart I will once again just stop typing…
(because I’m awkward)